I was driving home from choir tonight and decided I needed some quality time alone.
So I pulled over on the side of the road, and walked into this field (was I trespassing? Potentially... but that's beside the point.)
I'm standing in the middle of this giant field. Just me. Every pain, every emotion that I've felt over the last weeks flooded out like a giant tidal wave, and I started to yell. (yes, I trespass in random fields...and I yell in them.)
I yelled about how I've been waiting THREE years.. was I not hurting enough... that He had to give me what I wanted, and then take it all away after barely six weeks? I yelled about my broken, sad heart. About the heaviness that life has had. About how I just want a break. I want something good, for once.
All I hear back is "Job"
When I'm in the depths of despair, the last thing I really want to be reminded of is JOB. I mean, seriously?!!? Give me somebody I've got something on, cause I've got nothing on Job.
And Job 38 starts running through my head.
And I start to cry harder.
WHO AM I?
Who am I to question (yell at?) the God of the Universe of his intentions. Um, I'm a speck of dust on this world.
And I fall on my face in the field (I trespass, yell, and fall on my face in random fields)
And I fall. Broken. In the sweet arms of Jesus. In tears. In surrender.
And I prayed. For forgiveness, and mercy.
I get back in my car, and Matthew West sings through my speakers.
"You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun
An’ there's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy and believe me…it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace…"
When you're broken, and have no where else to turn.
There's Only Grace
Secured Tightly in His Grip,